this shouldn’t need to be so fucking hard

I needed this shoot.  It has been a couple months since I have had my camera in my hand.  Check the previous blog post to maybe get some insight on why I haven’t been “able” to shoot lately.

Any fucking way….

Lesley and I were supposed to shoot next Sunday after Thanksgiving.  But some shit came up and changed things and I had to see if she was available to shoot with me yesterday.  The suns and moons aligned and we managed to shoot two rolls of film and a grip of digital photos as well, in the course of about two hours of conversation and laughs.  Lesley thought she was going to ruin all the frames with her smile.  Nah, her smile is just part what made this set so good.

But the meat and potatoes of this post…

I haven’t shot in months.  No inspiration.  No motivation.  Just this blah ass feeling of existing.  And then I fucking got tired of feeling like this.  I will partially blame Micael (you should definitely click on her name and check out her photography as well) for getting in my head and reminding me that what I do is unique and needs to be seen…and done…

I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect shoot to have after I had just gutted this site days before and refocused on my brand…what I seem do well…to tell a real story about a real moment that will never ever happen again…

And shooting with Lesley was exactly what I needed.  It wasn’t a shoot though really.  It was a conversation. And a lot of laughs and complete ridiculousness. And I got to capture the moments in between the words and the breaths…

I wish I could have recorded this entire shoot.  It exemplifies how I try to describe my style of shooting.  We talked, we laughed, we told stories.  And i just captured what I saw. The realness. The vulnerability. The strength.  I have tried to use the word intimate to describe the way I shoot.  We have to connect on some base level that allows you to be you, and let your guard down and just be present.  And for me to turn off all the damn voices and insecurities in my head…

and just trust the fucking process…